Evil Gluten

I was glutened earlier this week. Normally by now I'd be feeling mostly normal. Alas, that is not the case this time. I'm not sure if it's because I've been pushing myself rather than resting, if I've been carbing it up more than usual, or if this particular poisoning was just so bad combined with the length of time I've been GF (I haven't had more than what I assume are ridiculously tiny traces only a few times since Christmas).

Serious brain fog. Electrical zaps to nerves. Low energy (but I've pushed through to go to the zoo in St. Louis, as well as spend a day outside working in the yard). Anxiety out the wazoo.

I'm really just putting this here as a record. Not looking for sympathy, or suggestions. I'm just frustrated that just when I really thought I had a handle on this thing, I had to go and screw up by eating at a restaurant without making my needs known. Never again. Ugh.

Playing.

My dear mother- and father-in-law are visiting for a week or two. Today they played outside with the kids, and I was able to get a few pics of the little brats that actually turned out okay. I LOVE the smile on Michael's face, but I have that horrible merge with the playset ring. Bah!!!

Warrior Girl

Smiling!

When did she grow up?

Understanding.

Really, I don't understand people. In the last two weeks, I've seen a side of someone that has been dear to me that, honestly?, I wouldn't wish on an enemy. I've watched, endured, the slow, painful death of a friendship. And I've taken it mostly in stride.

My husband has been wonderful. He has encouraged me to trust myself. He's let me wander in my own emotions on this. And while he could totally put his foot down about all of this, he hasn't. He has absolutely been my rock.

On the flip side, I was contacted by someone who had been a source of much pain over the years, nearly a decade's worth, with some very appreciated words of reconciliation. While I forgave long ago, it was nice to hear.

I don't think I'll ever understand people. Somehow I thought that surrounding myself with certain types of people would protect me, somehow. In my mind, the pain of the past was such a burden, something to be forgotten, buried, and my future was so full of people who helped heal.

Yeah. I was wrong about that. And yes, while parts of the past are best left dead and buried, I'm beginning to see that there are things in my present that need to lie with them. There are people in my life now just as poisonous to me as anything from my previous struggles.

Perhaps that phone call was as much for me as it was for him. It showed that I really can let some things go. Love, even just - or maybe especially - friendship, doesn't mean I have to be some masochistic martyr. While I can be called to love someone through their misery, it doesn't mean I have to allow myself to be abused.

Man, it really sucks when you wake up and realize that yes, people can suck, but you have no one to blame but yourself if you don't walk away.

This is gonna suck.